As we head into a new year, you might start to think about New Year's Resolutions to help you reach the goals you want to achieve in the year ahead. That works well for some of us, but what about those of us who have the best intentions but end up falling short of our goals year after year? The research says to start with why you want to pursue those particular goals.
A Purpose Driven Life
A growing volume of research focused on ‘purpose driven’ people, suggests that if we are clear on our sense of purpose, on why we are doing something, we will perform better, have more energy, build more resilience and ultimately, we will be more successful in achieving the goal. This principle applies in our personal lives as well and is also very well established in the world of therapy. Eminent psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl famously wrote in reference to how he survived over three years in concentration camps while those around him collapsed under the inhuman conditions, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how’. If you find a why, then you can bear any how.” Frankl went on to establish a therapy discipline (logotherapy) which focuses on deepening our understanding of the meaning and purpose in our lives, as a means to reach a state of fulfillment, success, and happiness.
If you reflect on your own life, chances are that you experienced periods where you felt particularly successful or energized or fulfilled. Were those periods in which you had a strong sense of why you were doing what you were doing, and a sense of knowing what motivated you? Interestingly, clients often report that these periods may not necessarily have been the times when life was easy, or the rewards were flowing, but they were very clear on what their goal and direction was, on why they were doing what they were doing.
Sometimes the daily grind of our constant routines can cloud our view of our sense of purpose. The intensity of life in a big city robs us of the time to pull the lens back and reflect on it, or we haven’t paused to review and renew our sense of purpose as we transition through different stages of life because we’re just too busy. Perhaps you are stuck in a predicament that you can’t seem to get out of, like an uninspiring job, failed relationships, or social isolation. If you find yourself with a strong desire to change some aspect of your life, here are some simple suggestions to reveal your sense of purpose and get you started on the journey towards fulfillment and contentment:
Wave a magic wand. Envision already being at your end goal. What does your ideal outcome look like? Be creative, detailed, and indulgent here, since you want your visualization to be as specific as possible. This exercise can take a bit of time to complete, so come back to it as needed. You may find yourself evolving in your desires or tweaking your goals as you deepen your reflection on what is going to bring fulfillment in the long run. Don’t be surprised if your goal looks a bit different than you anticipated after you complete this exercise.
Once you have a clear idea of where you want to go, think through why you want to get there. What does this mean to you? It doesn’t have to be anything deep and philosophical, but it needs to be sincere and to resonate with your values. For example, do you want to become a leader in your professional field? Then think why this is important to you. Is it because you value being of service to others and you value recognition? Those are both worthwhile pursuits! What unique contribution can you make to your function or your team? How do you improve their work, and as a result their lives, by contributing? Resolutions don’t always have to be about starting something brand new, like deciding to run a marathon. They can be about being better and more effective at what you already do, to free up more time and mental space for yourself, so that you can build a well-rounded life outside of work too.
Once you are clear on the what and the why of the goal, consider what needs to change in your life to get you there. Again, this can take some thought and reflection, and usually requires some sacrifice or inconvenience. For example, the answer to the question around wanting a more successful career may not be to go out and look for another job that pays more money. It may actually be more useful to spend some time completing a review of what energizes and inspires you in your existing career, what plays to your strengths, and what are the experiences you have had so far that actually increase your energy levels rather than drain them. Distinguish between short-term and long-term priorities and think about changes will best support you in the long term, even if that causes short term inconvenience.
By now you know the goal, what it means in your life, and what changes you are willing to implement to attain it. Next, work backwards and decide what real, practical steps exist within your control to take you incrementally closer to that goal. Break it down as specifically as possible into action items. What can you do this week, this month, or this quarter to take you closer to that goal? Write it down. There is substantial research that shows that the odds of us achieving our goals increase dramatically if we commit our plans to paper.
Be radically honest and take accountability for the aspects of the goal that you can control, but be gracious about the parts of the goal that are outside of your control. This could include the voice of your inner saboteur, that voice within us that tells us we don’t deserve the ideal outcome or that it won’t happen for us. Sometimes the work here involves exploring our ‘shadow side,’ the feelings and desires that live mostly in your subconscious that we don’t often recognize and may even contradict or derail our conscious goals. The first step here is to face up to those thoughts and feelings that say you don’t deserve your dream outcome, explore where they come from and integrate them into your plan. This can be a scary stage and uncover things you’re not ready or prepared to face, so it is recommended to work with a therapist who can help you work through these blockers safely.
What Makes This Different From Your New Year’s Resolutions of the Past
There is no one size fits all approach, which is what differentiates it from the standard New Year’s Resolution makers who arbitrarily choose “lose 10 pounds,” “get a new job,” or “save money.” You are making goals and crafting a plan that is unique to you, so it is perfectly natural to bounce around these steps as you continually deepen clarity around your goals. If you find yourself struggling, know that the research says that developing the traits of grit and resilience, otherwise known as the ability to just keep going and persevere towards your goals, is a huge predictor of success. By embarking on this journey, you’re already a better version of yourself than you were yesterday.
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