The most important priority when talking to a friend facing losing everything is to validate their emotions. Right now they are feeling a jumble, likely ranging from fear, panic, and sadness to anger, resentment, and bitterness. They might blame themselves, their boss, the government, or any number of other factors that you might find unreasonable. The primary way to be there for them is to be supportive. No one wants unsolicited advice, and they definitely don’t want you to tell them it will all be okay when you can’t know that. Once they have experienced their emotions enough to feel like they can see a bit more clearly, or if they ask you specifically for advice, here are some ways to support them.
-They lost their job.
They need you to be their biggest hype person right now. Remind them that this is not a reflection of their skill or value, but of a circumstance no one singular power has control over. Offer to review their resume, think of connections you can make between them and someone else, or help them polish a skill they want but don’t yet have. While it’s true that some companies are laying employees off, others are doubling down on their investment in online platforms and digital offerings. Help your friend think about their existing skill set and where they can build more skills. For example, if your friend has a great Instagram but only posts for friends and family, help them think of ways to monetize their skill.
-They are worried about finances/don’t have a safety net.
Whatever your friend’s comfort level with sharing their financial situation, you can remind them that no problem is insurmountable, from past due payments to debt to collections. Sit with them and help them call their credit card companies, their landlord, their bank, their student loan lender, their medical provider, or anyone who might come looking for money owed. Support them in asking for a delayed payment, a discount on services, or a payment plan. Help them cut unnecessary expenses by sharing your Netflix login, your code for free delivery on groceries, and your free shipping referral link on necessities. Connect them with personal finance resources that have helped millions of people get out of debt slowly so that they can set up safety nets now even if their income is uncertain.
-They are worried about getting sick/can’t afford to get sick.
Provide them with the facts about getting sick and help them find ways to avoid high-risk scenarios. For example, if they are concerned about going to the grocery store, can you send them a promo code for free grocery delivery? If they are worried about their immune systems being compromised, can you leave cleaning wipes and sanitizer on their doorstep?
-Their business is at risk of going under.
Help them brainstorm ways to bring their existing business online or to add offerings they might not have previously considered. For example, if they are a photographer and are concerned with how they can shoot new photos as people emerge from quarantine, can they design an online course about how to use a particular photo editing software really well? In general, can they offer a service at a discount for a limited time? Can they partner with another business to cross-promote?
-The can’t manage their children and their work.
Remind them that they are a great parent and that they are not also expected to be a great classroom teacher. Right now, their focus will likely need to remain on work in order to continue supporting their family. No matter the age, the thing their kids need most is emotional support above anything else. When kids are little, they are probably more scared about the unknown than they are about forgetting their letters and numbers. It’s okay to set them up in front of Sesame Street while their parent works. If they are a bit older, they can read age-appropriate books, complete work their teacher sent home, and put aside anything they aren’t yet proficient in for a parent to help with later. Once the workday has finished, parents can spend time with their kids reviewing academic work or simply sharing in family activities. Any shared activity can have value, like using cooking dinner together as a sneaky lesson on turn-taking, conversion rates and math, or just the virtue of patience. And if they’re in high school, this is a great preview of how they will have to hold themselves accountable in college and the real world, so no better time to release responsibility to them than now!
If you’re looking for a partner in helping you navigate these unprecedented times, reach out to the New York City Psychotherapy Collective today!
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We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.