Stress, anxiety, and depression can become amplified during the holidays, and even more so in this post-pandemic era. Even when all of our demands are things we actually want to do, the sheer number of obligations during the months of November and December can overwhelm even the best planner. In 2022, we're seeing continued changes and uncertainty to plans, which only adds to the stress.
The impact of anxiety on women
In a Wall Street Journal article, writer Andrea Petersen reports that there is no greater risk factor for anxiety disorders than being born female. She found that women are twice as likely as men to develop an anxiety disorder. In addition, women’s illnesses generally last longer, have more severe symptoms, and are more disabling. Fun!
She also found that anxious women are more likely to develop an additional anxiety disorder, an eating disorder, or depression. With all of the stress of simply being a woman in everyday life, the pursuit of happiness can seem like a far-off dream.
Recent research also found that the pandemic has increased this gap between men and women. The Women in the Workplace 2021 report shared that "42% of women say they have been often or almost always burned out in 2021, compared to 32% a year ago." The gap between men and women feeling this way grew from a difference of 4% to 7%.
If you are starting the holiday season more burned out and stressed than in the past, you're not alone. The additional holiday stress may start to feel unbearable if you're already experiencing burnout.
How to manage holiday stress
The trick to managing the season is not to think you can conquer the stressful events in your life, but rather to create conditions in which those events don't drown you. You can decrease the impact the demands of the holidays have on you while increasing your enjoyment of the season.
Here are some tips for reducing your anxiety during the holidays:
1. Acknowledge your feelings
The popular songs of the season may try to convince you "it's the most wonderful time of the year," but it's okay if you're not feeling thrilled 24/7 just because it's the holidays. Don't put pressure on yourself to put on a happy face because you think it's the way you're "supposed" to feel.
Be honest with yourself about your feelings, even if you feel differently than you expected.
You may also find it helpful to think through where your comfort level is for parties, events, and family gatherings this year. You may not be able to control the decisions that others make around vaccinations and masks, but you can decide where your comfort level is and when to draw the line.
Taking the time to identify what you're feeling and thinking can help guide you as you navigate through the holiday season.
2. Be realistic with your expectations
It is common for people to have unrealistic expectations around what the holiday season should look like. Traditions can be a nice way to celebrate while remembering your past, including family bonds, but they can also place unnecessary stress on the holiday season.
The holidays don't have to be perfect. Things change with different stages of life. Some traditions may fade to the past or need to be skipped for a year. It doesn't mean you’re forgetting about those traditions, it just means you're prioritizing your present and doing what is best for this year.
Did you run out of time to bake your Grandma's famous holiday dish? Are you too busy at work to care about getting your decorations out of storage only to put them back away in a month? Is it not logistically possible for you to make it to all of the gatherings you are invited to?
It's okay. Give yourself grace.
Lowering your expectations for the holiday season can help you enjoy the things you're able to do while giving yourself permission to skip the things you don't have time to do or don't want to do this year.
3. Assume the best in others
Remember that others may be just as stressed as you are this year. Try to assume the best when interacting with family, friends, or those you cross paths with.
Pay attention to your thoughts. If you find that you're starting to practice and prepare for an argument you think is going to occur during your family holiday, choose to change your thoughts. Don't waste your time and energy preparing for a disagreement that might not happen.
4. Create a budget
Financial stress can play a large role in the overall stress people feel around the holidays. Taking a few simple steps can help to mitigate some of this unnecessary stress.
Start by being honest with yourself about your budget. Pushing your spending outside of what you can afford will lead to stress during the holiday season that you'll likely carry into the next year.
Create a realistic budget for your holiday spending. Remember to include all of the extra expenses that pop up during the next few months. This can include additional food, gifts, party supplies, decorations, and travel.
As you move through the holiday season, keep your budget where you can see it regularly to assure you're sticking to it.
5. Practice healthy habits
As the holiday season picks up, it's common to want to put healthy habits on the back burner until after New Year's. While it's okay to indulge here and there, don't forget what makes you feel good physically and emotionally.
If you take a break from these healthy habits, you may find yourself starting to feel worse without really knowing the cause. This can be from things like getting less sleep, not eating in moderation, drinking too much, and cutting out your workout routine.
Identify things that are important to prioritize throughout this season. For example, you may not hit the gym as often but you make time for additional walks in the park. Or, you may not journal as much as you normally like to but you still take time at the start of the day to meditate.
Find what works for you to help you keep feeling your best through the busy holiday season.
6. Say no
Be realistic with your schedule and what you have time to do while still feeling your best. This may mean needing to say no to things that you would like to do but don't have the time to complete.
If you struggle with people-pleasing behaviors, this is going to feel like a challenge for you, but you can't do it all. Attempting to not disappoint anyone will lead you to feel resentful at a time when you should be enjoying yourself.
Pick and choose the things that are the most important to you. Practice saying no in advance so you don't fall into the old pattern of agreeing to do everything. If you struggle to say no when speaking with someone, try the phrase, "Let me check on that and get back to you." This helps create the space you need to think about if it's wise to agree to and then say no if it's not. Saying no doesn’t have to mean creating excuses or lying, and it can be as simple and firm as “Thank you so much for thinking of me but I am not going to be able to make it this year. Have a wonderful time!”
If you truly can't say no to something you don't want to do, try to remove something else you do have control over from your schedule. This can help you to keep your schedule in balance. You can also add in something that will make you feel good, like a massage or yoga class.
7. Take a break
Don't forget to take time for yourself each day, even if it's 5 minutes to lock yourself in a quiet room, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
It's easy to get carried away in trying to make the holiday season perfect for those you care about, but perfectionism will rob you of your joy and create unnecessary stress and anxiety.
If you're struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression, talk to a professional. Even if you do everything listed above, you may still feel sad or anxious beyond what feels manageable. Talk to your doctor, therapist, or coach about what you're feeling.
We have a team of licensed therapists at the New York City Psychotherapy Collective who are ready to help you feel your best this holiday season. You don't need to wait until the New Year to work on becoming a "new you."
Follow the steps below to get started:
Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.
Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.
Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.
We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.