You are a determined woman. You know how to work hard to reach your goals and make stuff happen. You're experiencing a lot of success in different areas of your life, but you can't help wishing things felt better, that you felt better. The thought of letting others know what you've known all along—that you don't have it all figured out even though you look like you do—may make you feel sick to your stomach, but you're not sure how much longer you can keep faking it. Unfortunately, when it comes to managing anxiety and improving our mental health, it's not something that usually happens by "pushing through" on our own.
As women, we make things happen. We have to create opportunities for ourselves, speak up for what we deserve, and continually work to disrupt the patriarchy to have a voice and presence. The idea of "taking charge" is not a foreign concept; it's what we do. But when it comes to our mental health, we need a different approach.
We're used to putting on a tough exterior so we're not overlooked in the boardroom. We're used to controlling our emotions out of fear of feeding the "women are too emotional" stereotype (which has been debunked, by the way.) We've trained ourselves to rise above the obstacles that are constantly in our way, but taking charge of our mental health looks different.
Understanding the role of mental health stigma
Mental health stigma often impacts people's willingness to get help when struggling. Society believes many myths about mental health disorders, leading to things like discrimination and social isolation. For example, the belief that people who seek therapy are "crazy" or "unsafe" is often fed when stories show up in the media tying events like mass shootings, such as the recent Buffalo tragedy, to the shooter's mental health.
Fear of how people will view us can make us think twice before admitting to anyone (even a therapist!) that we're struggling, but women have an added layer of stigma to overcome. Since we are viewed as more emotional and dramatic, there is a pressure not to feed the stereotype. In addition, we want to maintain our strong presence and fear what admitting that we need help will do to all the progress we've made. Will admitting we're struggling with anxiety cause our manager to think twice about promoting us? The deck is already stacked against us, so we don't want to add one more thing.
What is a woman to do?
There is no shame in admitting you are struggling
As hard as it may feel, the first step is acknowledging you're struggling. Learning to recognize anxiety symptoms can help. Anxiety is often used interchangeably with worry; however, they are different.
Anxiety is your body's natural response to stress or a threat. When you face a situation where your brain senses danger, it starts trying to protect you. This results in something called the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop response. But if you experience ongoing anxiety, you may start to worry.
Worry is a cognitive symptom of your anxiety. Worry is the "what ifs" and negative thoughts that fill your mind. However, anxiety in its entirety is much more than your thoughts. It also includes physical and physiological symptoms.
According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, women's anxiety symptoms can include:
Feeling nervous, irritable, or on edge
Having a sense of impending danger, panic, or doom
Having an increased heart rate
Breathing rapidly (hyperventilating), sweating, and/or trembling
Feeling weak or tired
Difficulty concentrating
Having trouble sleeping
Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems
These are many of the common symptoms of anxiety, but there is another side that is often overlooked: high functioning anxiety, which looks different than what we typically think of as anxiety.
Understanding high functioning anxiety
The symptoms of high functioning anxiety in women can include:
Perfectionism
Fear of failure
Workaholism
Assuming the worst
Nervous habits
Did you recognize the common symptoms in the first list but not the second? Society doesn't often relate these symptoms to anxiety, so they often go unnoticed and untreated. We believe we merely need to "try harder" when we actually need help for our anxiety.
Tips for women with anxiety
Don't be discouraged if you can relate to the symptoms from either list. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, "Anxiety disorders affect nearly 1 in 5 adults in the United States. Women are more than twice as likely as men to get an anxiety disorder in their lifetime." You are not alone and there are many options for managing and overcoming anxiety.
Here are some practical steps to help you take control of your mental health.
Develop a self-care routine
Self-care has become a buzzword, but with good reason: it works! However, as women, we can sometimes struggle with practicing self-care. We're used to putting others before ourselves and making sure everyone else is okay. As a result, there is a tendency for women to feel guilty and selfish when they think about self-care.
If you struggle with this, remind yourself of what the flight attendants tell people to do if the oxygen masks drop. You are supposed to put your mask on before helping anyone else put on their mask, even your own children. Why? If you black out from lack of oxygen, you're not going to be able to help anyone else. The same is true for self-care and your mental health. If you don't take care of yourself, you will eventually reach a point of not being able to help those around you. In fact, you could end up doing harm to others if you are overburdened, stressed out, or sleep-deprived.
Self-care doesn't need to be complicated. It encompasses the activities that help you feel your best physically, mentally, and emotionally. The basics of self-care include:
Making wise food decisions
Exercising regularly
These aren’t new and innovative suggestions because we have been taking care of ourselves since time immemorial. The key is consistency. You don’t have to take a HIIT class followed by hot yoga all in one day, especially if you don’t move your body again for another week. In addition to the basics, do what helps you specifically feel your best. This could be dancing, chatting with a friend, sitting on the beach, walking the dog, painting a picture, or going to the park. It can also include keeping a realistic schedule and not over-committing yourself.
Learn what helps you feel your best and then build it into your routine. Don’t compare yourself to others, in real life or on social media, because what works for them might not be best for you, and vice versa.
Practice relaxation techniques
Anxiety makes it difficult for us to relax, so it's helpful to learn simple techniques to implement easily. This can include meditation, yoga, or deep breathing. If it feels overwhelming, start small.
You can start with a simple technique like box breathing. Breathe in as you count to four, hold your breath for a four count, exhale while counting to four, and hold your breath for another four count before starting again. Repeat this for a few rounds.
Relaxation techniques help break our bodies' natural anxiety response. When we start feeling anxious, we breathe more shallowly. Eventually, our heart rate increases. These responses can spiral to more physical reactions and even an anxiety or panic attack. Learning to use techniques to slow this response can help us feel in control even when we’re anxious.
Learn grounding techniques
Grounding techniques can help us pull ourselves back to reality. There are many grounding techniques you can try. They help by directing your thoughts away from your worry or negative thinking. A simple example is choosing an object to focus your attention on. Think about its physical characteristics. How does it feel? What does it smell like? How would you describe the color?
Another way to use grounding techniques is through math. You could count backward from 500 or practice the multiplication tables in your head. If math is an area you're strong in, choose something that will require your focus. Choose a number and think of different ways to arrive at that number. For example, if you choose 45, you could use 20 + 25, 9 x 5, 100 - 55, etc.
Show yourself compassion
If you struggle with perfectionism and feel like you're not good enough, practice showing yourself grace and compassion. No one is perfect, and we all struggle at times. There is nothing wrong with you because things don't feel easy, and you aren't where you want to be. It's important to be kind to yourself along your journey to improving your mental health. Start by naming one thing you love about yourself. Tomorrow, name one more thing. Repeat until it becomes a habit.
Work with a therapist
There are many do-it-yourself strategies you can take to improve your mental health, and as a strong woman, you're likely used to doing things that way; however, it's okay to ask for help. Working with a therapist for anxiety can help you make the changes and see the results you're looking for in life.
We know thinking about being vulnerable with someone can feel overwhelming, but working with a therapist can bring freedom when you're used to navigating it all alone. We encourage you to choose a therapist who specializes in working in the specific areas you're looking for help with. Not every therapist will be the right fit for you, so it's essential to find someone you are comfortable with.
Follow the steps below to get started:
Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.
Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.
Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.
We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.