As we get close to the end of the year, more and more clients are coming in with the same complaint: “I feel like I am running out of time.” They note a feeling of wasting time, losing time, and a desire to appreciate and make the most out of their time. There is an underlying fear that they won’t have enough time to do whatever it is they want to do or think is important to do. This sensation of quickly running out of time spans genders, age groups, and life circumstances. Where is this coming from and why is it so acute right now?
Understanding where this feeling is coming from
Over the past 6 months, many of us have begun to return to “normal” life post pandemic. While the pandemic is nowhere near over, much of normal life has returned - especially here in New York City. We are readjusting to the pace of life outside of a socially-distanced quarantined world. There is a sense that we have suddenly not just pressed play again, but now are quickly fast-forwarding, making up for lost time and relearning how to exist out in the world.
Who is feeling this way?
This fear and need to make up for lost time seems to be deeply rooted in many young adults, as they began the pandemic early in their 20s and now are in their mid to late 20s, trying to figure out who they are, what they like, and how to live their lives after spending the past few years grappling with those questions in isolation and inside their own heads. Additionally, everyone, regardless of age, is carrying fear with them. The pandemic represents an unprecedented time for all of us - there was very little information or support and a great deal of isolation and fear. It made a truth of life abundantly clear to us all: we can’t predict or control what happens in life. Whether consciously or not, many of us are walking around with this sense that time will pause again and if we don’t make the most of it now we will be faced with regrets or even more lost time. Since control is often the antidote to anxiety, many of us found our anxieties heightened during the pandemic. People who previously would not have considered themselves anxious suddenly found themselves waking up in the night with spiraling thoughts about “what-ifs,” unable to go back to sleep for hours. Once we were finally able to take action, it felt like we had to take ALL the actions.
Tips for feeling like you’re running out of time
So, what do we do with this? How does a therapist support their clients in navigating this? First, we all have to learn to sit in the discomfort. This urgency, this fear, this anxiety is signaling something to you. It is trying to call your attention to something and keep you safe. So first, you have to experience it. Name it for yourself - it might sound as simple as:
I am feeling anxious right now.
I am feeling afraid.
I am feeling unsure.
Questions to consider if you aren’t sure how to name your feeling
If you’re struggling to identify what you are feeling, take the time to process that; ask yourself with curiosity instead of judgment:
What am I feeling?
How do I know I am feeling this?
Where is this feeling in my body?
These questions can help you learn to identify and experience emotions both physically and cognitively. From here, we can begin to explore the feeling. With your therapist or on your own ask yourself:
What exactly am I afraid of?
What truly happens if I run out of time?
What does it really mean to run out of time?
If I had infinite time and I could do all of these things, how would I feel?
How can I bring myself back to the present when I am spiraling?
These questions allow you to pick up the fear like an object of curiosity, hold it in your hands, and look at it from different angles. It allows you to name the fear as something separate from your being, explore what would happen if it came true, and help you identify what you are yearning for.
Questions to consider once you know what you’re feeling
Often, when we fear an outcome or desire an outcome, it is because of the feeling that we believe we will experience when it happens, so take yourself there.
If you did run out of time, how would you feel?
If you didn’t, how would you feel?
What are you hoping to feel?
This is the root of the yearning and the anxiety. After we identify the answers to these questions, we can begin the work to bring you back to the present. First, ask yourself:
What feels good for you?
What doesn’t feel good?
What do you want right now?
What do you need right now?
How can you support yourself in your goals and in your wellness?
Other ways to cope with these feelings
We can also support this exploration in therapy with mindfulness work to ground you in your body and in the present - deep breathing, grounding practices, gratitude practices, and journaling.
Work through these feelings of anxiety with a therapist
The fear and anxiety of the pandemic is living within all of us still. We faced a collective trauma and are now relearning how to live in the world after this. Our views on time, life, goals, values, and ourselves have changed. With the help of a therapist, you can explore these feelings of discomfort and learn to support yourself better in the present and design a future that serves you in this new reality.
Ready to get started?
Whatever challenge you are facing right now, there is a therapist who is the right fit for you at the New York City Psychotherapy Collective. Contact us here to be matched with a therapist who is right for you and get started today!
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We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.