Public Service Announcement: You don't need to let the "shoulds" of the world control you. You are smart, driven, and powerful. You don't owe anything to anyone. This is your time and that means the way things "used to be" doesn't have to continue to be the way they are.

Let us look for a moment at how things "used to be." Once upon a time, people would secure a "good" job with a retirement package and all the benefits. They would strive to climb that corporate ladder as high as they could go before retiring at 65, then they would travel and spend time on their hobbies.

It's not like that anymore. Honestly, would you even want it to be like that now?

The Great Recession started the shift

First, 2008 arrived and the Great Recession hit. We watched the "security" that the older generation worked so hard to obtain crumble into dust. They lost their jobs. They lost their pensions and retirement. The companies they dedicated their career, and more importantly, all of their time, to showed that loyalty didn't really go both ways.

Post-Great Recession, we stopped buying into the myth of "job security." After watching what happened to our parents and grandparents, many millennials realized we needed to find a different way. We started looking to shift the workplace narrative. We started working side hustles along with our full-time or (sometimes multiple) part-time jobs.

Hustle became the new trend. You "should" have a side-gig outside of your career. You "should" find an employer that has ping-pong tables and taco trucks outside the front door so that you never have to leave. The workplace changed and the work culture changed, but for those who weren't careful, the "shoulds" didn't go away, they just mutated.

The Great Resignation has continued the shift

2020 came in and turned everything in the workplace upside down with the pandemic. While there is no denying the many tragedies that happened in 2020 and beyond, we were also provided with a new perspective to consider.

As the things we took for granted shut down across the world, the space was created for many of us to have time to think and reflect on our lives. For those who had been too busy hustling to take time to do this, it was an eye-opening period.

It allowed us to start to think about what we really wanted vs. what we were doing because we felt like we should. It forced many to take a step back and get a clearer picture of what our lives looked like and identify some of the things we had been missing because of the hustle.

Let us clarify, we don't think there is anything wrong with hustling... if that's what you want to do. The problem is when you're hustling because you feel like you should hustle, not because you are working towards something you’re passionate about.

It's time to drop the "shoulds"

The most dangerous word in the world is “should.” It comes with so many expectations and responsibilities of what we feel we owe someone or something else.

Instead of worrying about what you think the expectations of others are or what you think you should be doing based on what stage of life you're in, like "I graduated with the fancy degree so now I need to get the high-paying corporate job to match," take time to think about the following.

Figure out what your values are

Figuring out your values before jumping into life decisions will help you make decisions that align with what is most important to you. Knowing this allows you to make decisions and live in a way that fulfills you. Your values may look different from someone else’s - in fact, this is the one time we will say they should because they are personal to you!

Take time to assess your priorities, think about your values, and reflect on what you feel you owe yourself. If you need help with this step, reach out to work with a New York City Psychotherapy Collective therapist who can support you in your journey.

Remember, you don't have to follow a set path

As you work on designing a life that aligns with your values and allows you to love what you do, remind yourself you don't have to have a set path to follow. The old society said there were established tracks that each person needed to be on, but that belief doesn't apply today or in going forward into 2022. It's all about finding what is right for you as an individual and the work you want to invest your time and energy into throughout your career. When making this shift, it can help to consider changing your mindset toward having a "portfolio career."

How a portfolio career can help you enjoy what you do

If you're unfamiliar with the term, a portfolio career is one where you build a career made out of different opportunities and jobs that work for you. They could be in the same industry or they can be completely unrelated to each other.

People with portfolio careers are also known as multi-hyphenates, a term that originated in 1970s Hollywood to describe celebrities who were multi-talented but fell outside the traditional notion of a “triple threat” (singing, dancing, and acting). Today, outside of Hollywood, you might see someone whose title after their name doesn’t say "Financial Planner" but "Financial Planner/Author/Speaker." They are building lifelong careers by doing multiple things they enjoy.

One group of multi-hyphenates we can draw inspiration from are actresses. They have been working portfolio careers long before the rest of the world caught on to the trend. Rarely do you see anyone in Hollywood defined solely as an "actor." More often, they are an actor/writer/producer/director/model/clothing designer/spokesperson/philanthropist/ musician/author/tv host/restaurateur…the list goes on.

As you work on rethinking your working future, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Remain flexible because situations change

Different things are right at different times in your life. Learning to be flexible and understand what season you're in is important. There are some times in life when it may be right for you to do a little more hustling, but there are also times when it might be right for you to take a step back and slow down. Neither is right or wrong; it's about finding what's right for your current situation.

Beyoncé is one of the queens of the multi-hyphenate. She’s known for her achievements across many industries and levels including music, acting, fashion, entrepreneurship, and philanthropy. Her career is not defined by being on a single track but by pursuing the opportunities that arise that fulfill her in any given stage of her life. 

She just joined TikTok and now the world is excitedly on edge anticipating new music might be on the way. She shows you can pivot from one interest to another while seeing success across the board. 

2. You're the only one who gets to determine how you live your life

Everyone is not going to agree with the choices you make in life and that's OK. Society loves to weigh in on the decisions of others and social media has only added to their ability to voice their opinions, but you don't have to listen to what they're saying. You're the only one who gets to determine how you live and the choices you make.

Rihanna was originally known as a singer but hasn’t released an album since 2016. When fans began pressuring her to record a new album, she clapped back, since she is too busy building her Fenty empire, which includes beauty products, skincare, and her Savage X Fenty lingerie line. You know no one at Rihanna’s family reunion is asking her why she doesn’t get a real job, and you can remind Aunt Carol at your next Thanksgiving dinner that you’re an entrepreneur, as well.

You don't need permission to tune out all those other voices that want to tell you what is right for your life.

3. It's OK to change your mind

You can pivot at any point you want to in life. You don't have to continue doing the one thing you decided you wanted to do when you were 18 years old. Just because at one point you were a lawyer does not mean you can't pivot to working in healthcare. You may have gone to school for education but discovered a love for graphic design and that's OK.

Cameron Diaz is a great example. Once known for her highly successful acting career, she is now focused on her work as a winemaker and having more time to devote as a wife and mother. She co-founded Avaline, a company producing clean vegan-friendly wine.  When asked about the transition in an interview on Hart to Heart, she said, “For my personal, spiritual self, I was realizing that that one part of me that functioned at a high level wasn’t enough. It’s fun to do, I love it, I love acting, I could go forever, I sometimes feel like I have unlimited energy and inertia... I just looked around and there were so many parts of my life that I wasn’t touching and that I wasn’t managing, and I couldn’t really manage, because everything was so massive.”

She doesn’t say that she’ll never go back to acting, but it’s not where she wants to spend her time right now.

4. Being strong does not mean never asking for help

Many of us struggle with high-functioning anxiety and fall into thinking we have to get everything "just right" to be "good enough." There is a fear of failure driving us toward perfectionism and workaholism. We believe we have to be the ones doing it all in order for it to be done right. Others see us as independent and confident, but the truth is we're struggling under the hidden pressure we feel every day.

You don't have to have all the answers on your own to start moving in the direction you want. Reese Witherspoon shared, "If you are one of those people who has that little voice in the back of her mind saying, 'Maybe I could do [fill in the blank,]' don't tell it to be quiet. Give it a little room to grow, and try to find an environment it can grow in."

You may need to work on finding a workplace culture that supports the direction you want to move or you may need to expand your network to include more people aligned with your interests and goals. Maybe you need to find a new job that respects your boundaries and allows you the space and time to work on your side hustle. Maybe you need to return to the office instead of working from home so you can obtain more of the balance you want in your life.

Or, maybe you need to partner with one of our New York City Psychotherapy Collective therapists who can support you as you navigate the changes you want to see in your life as a result of the past two years. We can help you discover and reconnect with your value system and understand how you can design your life on purpose—your purpose.

Follow the steps below to get started:

• Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.

• Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.

• Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.

We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.

Contact us here to get started today!