At the New York City Psychotherapy Collective, we're tired of the "New Year, New You" trend! We're tired of the world putting pressure on people that just because the calendar year is switching over they need to jump on the bandwagon of becoming a whole new person. They want to tell you this is the time to focus on losing weight, getting more money, becoming organized, being better in every way—and we're NOT HAVING IT THIS YEAR!
Life is hard as hell, especially the past few years.
We've been living through a global pandemic, fighting the pressure of constantly comparing ourselves to others thanks to social media, and everywhere we turn facing the message that we should be constantly working on ourselves and making each year better. The pressure is stronger than ever but that's not how life works.
Life isn't linear, instead, it's full of ups and downs. We have to navigate what each year brings us, the good things and the bad things. Putting the pressure on ourselves that everything in our life needs to be improving all the time is flat-out overwhelming. There's a reason why studies find around an 80% failure rate of New Year's resolutions by February.
We want to introduce you to a new way of moving into a new year—establishing a personal mission statement.
Why resolutions don't usually work
Disclosure Time: We are all for setting goals for your life. Goals can play an important role in moving forward and accomplishing things we want to do in life and business, however, part of setting SMART goals is establishing goals that are relevant to us. My goals need to matter to me on a personal level. Your goals, or resolutions, need to matter to you on a personal level. That's what we're diving into further today.
Before we share how you can write a personal mission for your life, let's dive a little deeper into why New Year's resolutions tend to fail.
Resolutions create a long list of "shoulds"
We believe the most dangerous word in the world is "should."
I should exercise more.
I should lose weight.
I should travel more.
I should learn a new hobby.
I should spend more time with friends.
I should repair that relationship with my mom.
I should try to get that promotion.
I should get organized.
Those are some of the top New Year's Resolutions that people set for themselves. Why should we do any of those things? Who is telling us or leading us to feel like those are things we need to accomplish or spend time doing? Many people are setting resolutions without thinking through why the things on their list are important to them, and the reality for many is they aren't motivated enough personally to stick to them.
Resolutions can increase anxiety
Anxiety lies in the space between where you presently are and where you wish you were. So the "New Year, New You" theme really enhances that. It creates a clear path of 'shoulds' and pushes you towards living an outcome-oriented life which can be incredibly painful and leave you feeling like you're failing.
Many people are setting New Year's resolutions around things that are already causing them to struggle with anxiety. With an 80% failure rate, it's likely many resolutions are carried over from year to year, meaning many people already have difficult emotions such as guilt and regret over not having accomplished it in the past. Over time, the gap between where they are and where they think they need to be begins to feel insurmountable. We don't need to put that kind of pressure on ourselves.
Resolutions tend to feel overwhelming
There is a tendency to set lofty goals at the start of the year because we have an entire year's worth of time to work with. These types of goals can easily begin to feel overwhelming when we look at them all at once. Many people are unaware of the helpful steps to take to turn resolutions or big goals into actionable steps they can succeed at, so the days and weeks pass by with no progress being made, and eventually, they give up.
We don't need to create this overwhelm in our lives. Making positive changes in our lives can feel challenging, but overall, it should be a positive experience if we're doing it correctly.
If you've been overwhelmed by resolutions in the past, keep reading to learn a new perspective that can reshape how you think about starting 2022.
Resolutions tend to focus on outcomes
Focusing on outcomes can be painful because we can't control outcomes in life. We can only control our own actions. Sometimes our actions can lead to the outcomes we're after, but that's not always the case.
The perfect example of this is looking back at what happened to all of us in 2020. There were tons of blog posts, YouTube videos, and social media posts where people proclaimed all the amazing things that were going to happen for them as we all moved into a new decade. We're not two years into that decade and it's safe to say no one predicted at the start of 2020 the outcomes we were actually going to experience.
For many people, setting a financial goal didn't matter because the pandemic moved the outcome out of their control, and that's just one simple example. There are unexpected things that can pop up and derail all the work we have done to try to reach our goals and resolutions. If we're only focused on the outcome, we're going to be disappointed more often than not.
Things to keep in mind as you move into 2022
As we explore a new way to tackle the new year, here are a few things to remember:
This is a great time for exploration
Before we can truly think through the things we want to accomplish in a new year, it's helpful to do some exploration.
Take time to think about what is currently serving you well in life and what isn't. Ask yourself what feels good right now and what doesn't. The most important aspect of this is that it's about you. This is not the time to think about what others want for you or what you think you should do. It's time to focus on things like:
What do you want to do?
What do you enjoy doing that benefits you?
What heals you and nurtures you in life?
Leave the opinion of others out of it along with the preconceived ideas of what you should do and explore things you want to add to your life or continue in 2022.
You can take it one day at a time
Take a minute to wonder what it would be like to just be present and live life trusting yourself to change or make decisions as needed based on how you're feeling. Goal setting can be empowering, but in the shape of a New Year's resolution, it is often incredibly frustrating and can even be harmful.
Be kind to yourself as you move into 2022. You can choose to stay present and take the year one day at a time. Trust your instincts as you go and make adjustments in life when you feel it is right for you to do, not because the calendar is telling you that you should.
Writing your personal mission statement
If you're interested in learning how to write a personal mission statement for your own life, one strategy shared on Indeed is to use the following formula:
"I will [action] for [audience] by [skills] to [desired result]."
Here are a few examples they share:
"I will make, challenge and change the law for communities with barriers to preserve their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
"I will make innovative, artistic bakes for everyday customers so everyone can experience the joy of beautiful cooking."
"To use my gifts for women around the world to improve their self-worth and wealth."
You can use this formula or explore alternatives that feel more personal to you. Remember, the most important part of this process is that you do what connects with you on a personal level and incorporates the values that matter the most to you.
How having a personal mission statement impacts your goals?
When you identify your values and a mission statement for yourself, it allows you to get in touch with what truly matters to you. It removes your instinct to set goals and resolutions based on what you should do and helps you to identify the things that matter most.
As you think about what you want to accomplish this year, ask yourself:
What matters to me?
What do I believe is important?
What excites me the most?
What makes me feel good?
Then, based on your answers you can decide what you want to do while knowing that it aligns with your values and mission. This helps you to build your goals for your life based on ways to empower yourself and make yourself feel good.
Therapy can support you through this process
If you've been following the shoulds of the world and setting resolutions and goals based on them, you may feel a little lost as you try to navigate moving away from them. Our New York City Psychotherapy Collective therapists can help you as you work to identify the values that matter the most to you and then align your life and career in that direction.
Follow the steps below to get started:
Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.
Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.
Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.
We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.