Here's a not-so-difficult trend to pick up on—women are burnt out. Pandemic fatigue has set in, and we're all tired, both mentally and physically, from carrying what feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders. We've lived through two years of jumping from one unknown situation to the next. Some days it felt like all we could do was keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's exhausting, and if you've hit that point, you may feel tempted to check out and just let life happen. However, we want to share a few strategies to help you resist that temptation and regain control of your life.
Why are we so burnt out?
Some of you may know precisely why you're burnt out and ready to check out right now. You may have a long list of challenges you've been up against recently and are just ready for a break. Others have been hit with one difficult situation after another to the point that it feels pointless even to get your hopes up that things will improve. Even for those of us who can’t point to any one single “bad” thing happening, somehow our daily lists seem to only get longer, never shorter, with less and less payoff when things are finally accomplished.
If you're experiencing burnout and exhaustion but aren't sure why, COVID fatigue could be the culprit. A WebMD poll found that women are experiencing this at a higher rate than men, especially women under 45 years old. They define it as "being angry, exhausted, frustrated or just plain fed up with disruptions to your life or those of your family and friends."
Who hasn't felt like that at some point since 2020 began? Life has been full of new challenges, but we've also had to continue with our regular life tasks. You can plan a vacation, but you don't feel confident it's going to happen until the plane wheels are in the air. You work from home now, which comes with many new challenges on its own, such as the disappearance of your work-life balance. In addition, there are relationships to maintain, houses to clean, kids to parent, projects to complete, and bills to pay. When you pile it all together, it can take a toll on our mental health and wellness.
How burnout and exhaustion causes us to check out
Extended periods of stress can impact the part of the brain known as the lateral habenula, which can cause us to feel the activities and things in our life are pointless. When facing ongoing stress and challenges for prolonged periods, our perceptions can change and become exaggerated. This can lead us to believe that our situations are even worse than they indeed are. As this continues to spread throughout different areas of our life, it becomes easier to check out than to continue confronting these seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
Signs that this message is for you
If you are still wondering if this message applies to you, here are some signs of living mentally checked out. Keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list of symptoms.
You're stuck on autopilot.
Once you have been forced to deal with challenging situations for extended periods, you tend to switch to autopilot. You move throughout your day without paying attention to what's happening around you or what you're doing. Have you ever arrived home from work unable to remember how you got there? It is because you were on autopilot.
Your memory is failing you.
You can't remember what you ate for dinner last night or the name of the new prospect you're supposed to contact today. You're halfway through an hour-long show, and you can't remember what happened at the beginning of it. No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to remember things you know you should know.
You are bored.
It can be a sign you've mentally checked out when it feels like all the fun and excitement was sucked out of life. Your cognitive function is being impacted, causing you to view everything through a more negative mindset. As you move through the day while being checked out, it blocks you from seeing and experiencing the new things happening around you that you could be enjoying. Instead, you remain in a state of numbness.
You feel isolated and lonely.
If you've checked out mentally, you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. When you're mentally present in conversations, you engage with others. You notice their facial expressions and the variations in their voice that show their emotions. You can connect with the people around you. But when you’re burnt out, you miss these subtle cues that your brain previously noticed before you checked out.
Your quality of work is suffering.
It isn't easy to perform at a high level when mentally checked out. You begin to miss minor errors that you would have caught previously, and it becomes harder to come up with new ideas or tap into your creativity. In addition, you work at a slower pace than usual, and it's challenging to keep up with your workflow.
You have no energy.
You lack the energy you used to feel. Even when you need to get something done, you cannot turn it up a notch and kick it into gear. You may feel sluggish, as if you are moving through mud. It takes extra effort to do the things you were used to doing in your daily routine. For example, you tire out halfway through your workout and don't have the energy to continue to push through until the end.
A warning about depression
Feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by the weight of your life can also be signs of depression that you should not take lightly. While the strategies below may be able to help you reengage in your life, if you're struggling with depression, we urge you to reach out to a licensed therapist for treatment.
If you or someone around you is in danger, please call 9-1-1 immediately or go to an emergency room for help. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is also a valuable resource. Their phone number is 800-273-8255.
Strategies you can use to reengage and take control
Now that you know what signs to look for to see if you've checked out, it's time to learn how to reengage in life. The following strategies can help.
Choose a role model
If you are dealing with an ongoing stressful situation, choose someone who can act as a role model for you. Find someone who has been in a similar situation and has handled it the way you would like to handle it. If you're struggling overall and can't pinpoint a specific challenge, choose someone in your life who has overcome obstacles and reach out to them for guidance and advice.
Focus on the details
Be extra intentional about observing the details of what's happening around you. Put your five senses into action. For example, when eating, pay attention to all the flavors you're experiencing instead of eating quickly and scrolling on your phone mindlessly. When you go outside, skip the headphones and pay attention to what you hear. Listen for the little sounds that are easy to miss. When you are in a conversation with someone, be purposeful about observing their facial expressions to help keep you engaged.
Change up your routines
Look for ways to alter your routines to take yourself off autopilot. You can't walk home from work without thinking about it if you take an unfamiliar path. Look for opportunities throughout your day to do things differently. Rearrange your daily routine so that you are forced to think about what's coming next. Cook a meal you've never made before. Choose new activities that require your attention.
Accept your situation
You may find the simple act of accepting your circumstances allows you to reframe the way you think about it. This is referred to as "radical acceptance." Taking this step can open your mind to finding new ways to add positivity to your day. This is not the same as toxic positivity because you acknowledge the difficulties you're facing, but you're not allowing them to consume you.
Find your people to connect with
Intentionally seek out people who help you be your best self. Look for people who inspire you and energize you. These are the people who are easy to talk to, so conversations feel effortless.
Explore how therapy can help
If you're feeling burnt out, exhausted, and mentally checked out, therapy can help. A licensed mental health provider can help you identify the steps you can take to reengage in and take control of your life. During difficult and stressful times of life, it's easy to exist and let things happen, but there are still things within your control. Learning how to identify these things can be the motivation you need to step back into fully living your life, even despite difficult circumstances.
If you're ready to transition to a life that is better than what you've been living lately, online therapy with a licensed therapist can help. Our team at the New York City Psychotherapy Collective is ready to help you move from feeling like you’re barely surviving to thriving while living your values, so schedule your intake session today.
Follow the steps below to get started:
Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.
Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.
Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.
We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.