Why Do We Get Such Satisfaction from Zillow Stalking Houses We'll Never Buy?
Why is it therapeutic to open up real estate listings online even if you’re not planning to buy?
Pre-pandemic, we were planning vacations and comparing Airbnbs with our friends and family to plan for our future fun. But for over a year, there was no planning, no fun, no future that we felt safe counting on. Many of us weren’t able to even think about what travel or adventure looked like, because we were stuck in our own four walls. It makes total sense then that we turned that same planning eye to the one thing we could safely control during quarantine, which was what those four walls could look like. There is a healthy voyeurism to it, in the same way we watch reality tv and read people’s money/food/sex diaries online. We get to look at houses staged by others, judge their taste, imagine ourselves either in their lives or the life we would design if we lived in that house, and for a moment, we weren’t living in the same groundhog day that has become that loathsome phrase of “the new normal” anymore.
We’ve also grown up with the internet, so the ability to compare offers, find discount codes, and publicly shame a company on social media to get the best deal has primed us to be careful, wary shoppers. Add that to our crippling student loan debt, and we are more likely to spend months or years searching for the perfect return on our investment, instead of buying a starter home with the assumption we can upgrade in a few years.
However, be careful of how browsing can impact mood or state of mind. Depending on how you feel going into the search, you may do more harm than good. If you’re already feeling low, thinking about your debt or your endless open job applications or the stagnation of your life over the past year or longer, it can feel like one more thing that’s out of your reach. On the other hand, it could feel like escapism, like changing your desktop background to a beach in the middle of a snowstorm to remind yourself that just because something is true now doesn’t mean it will always be true. If you’re feeling a bit more in control of your life, it could be the catalyst for you to start planning backwards from this dream by saying to yourself, “Okay, I want to live in this city and in this kind of home, which seems to cost around this much for what I want. So to afford this life, I need to be making this salary, which in my field means this title. Or maybe I’m going to change careers because mine just won’t get me there in the amount of time I want, so let me think about boosting my resume or adding a certification or skill in the near future.” and so on until you’ve gathered enough data about what it would take for you to achieve this next phase.
Like with any mindless habit, check in with yourself about why you're doing it and how it's making you feel. If window shopping is bringing you joy and providing some entertainment while you’re stuck inside, don’t let anyone tell you to stop! Judge that backsplash, imagine how you would renovate the bathroom, and find the closest vegan café on Google street view. But if doing so makes you feel despondent or trapped, take a step back. Are you scrolling as a way to avoid other things in your life that you don’t feel in control of? Is the avoidance actually exacerbating the stressor by letting it continue on? Ask yourself if there is any area of your life that you’re finding unsatisfying, whether big or small, that you can take control of right now.
If you’re ready to take that control but need a partner to guide you through the process, reach out to the New York City Psychotherapy Collective today and we will match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.
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