Being a Therapist During Times of Global Crisis
Since the Hamas terrorist attack on Israel, the nature of my work as a therapist has shifted. Over the past week I’ve sat with my Jewish and Palestinian clients as they mourned the lives of the people lost in Israel and Gaza. I’ve tried to hold space for them to process the fear, pain, loneliness, and helplessness that they’ve described to me. It seems that there are no words that appropriately describe the suffering of members of the Jewish and Palestinian communities at this time, because no words exist that really seem to cover it. And it’s not just today, right now, or these specific terrorist attacks. The world can seem as though it is constantly under attack from all sides, which can make all of us feel helpless, whether or not we’re trained providers. For my clients who are Asian American, the violence brings up painful memories of attacks against their communities during the height of racism related to Covid-19, as people blamed their communities for the virus. For my Muslim clients, the parallels between antisemitic attacks today and violence against their communities post-9/11 are reigniting feelings of fear at being targeted as a marginalized group once again. For Black and African American clients, the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and so many more have not faded into memory, but live every day in the present as they see yet more groups of people targeted by hate.
Shifting boundaries
Typically, as a therapist, I make an effort to bring my personality and empathy into sessions, without bringing my own emotions in too. I want clients to know that the time and space we share is entirely about them and their experiences, and that I am there to help them process the ways those experiences have impacted them. It’s been difficult for me to do so this past week and a half though, as I try to remain an unemotional strong support while sitting with clients who I care for so deeply. I notice myself tearing up during certain conversations, as chills run down my spine knowing that this pain may have just begun, and we will be unpacking the currently occurring trauma for an unforeseeable future. I think that’s okay though, for now, to be emotional as a therapist while tragedy strikes. It’s okay for our clients to know that we care deeply enough for them to share in their pain. That we too, feel helpless and confused, while trying to let them know that they are not alone.
I do not speak for all members of the communities who have suffered loss over the past week and a half, nor can I speak for the experience of all therapists at this time, but I can say that a few themes have arisen during the conversations I’ve had with clients since the attack on Israel.
A sense of collective helplessness
As a therapist, there’s nothing I can do to fix or ease the pain that clients are experiencing at this time. There is no empirical evidence that tells us exactly how to stop war from occurring overseas or how to guard our clients from losing loved ones, no matter how much we would like to. It makes me, and other therapists I’ve spoken to, feel helpless.
I’ve also spoken to many clients who are feeling that helplessness now. People who are safe in their apartments in America, while their family and friends are on the front lines overseas, or haven’t been heard from in days. As a therapist, there is nothing I can say to make that feeling go away.
The difficulty of nuance:
I’ve also had many conversations about nuance over the past few days. Clients have shared their confusion and discomfort and sense of loneliness over their beliefs. They’ve shared that they know things aren’t black and white, but they wish they were. They’ve shared that nuance is the thing keeping them from reaching out to get support from friends and family, because they don’t want to get into conversations about right and wrong, or blame, but just want to feel loved and cared for. So if you know someone who might be suffering, even if their politics aren’t the same as yours, it might help to reach out. Let them know you care for them and you love them.
Feeling fear for personal safety:
For many of my clients, Jewish, Palestinian, Israeli, or other, this marks the first time they have felt personal and specific fear about their own safety. Many clients are reporting seeing social media posts filled with hate and antisemitism, disguised as support for Palestinians. Clients who have always felt safe in New York City are suddenly looking around at strangers as though anyone could be a potential threat. And clients are noticing which of their friends have remained silent during this time. If you are someone with Jewish or Palestinian friends and you haven’t reached out because you don’t know what to say, reach out now. There is no right thing to say, no perfect response, and no way you can fix this. All your friends and loved ones need to hear is, “I am thinking of you and I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say and I wish I could do something but I feel helpless. How are you doing?” Your friends aren’t expecting you to have the solution to a crisis that has existed for decades, or millennia, depending on how you look at it. They are just hoping to have you see their humanity at a time when so many others are dehumanizing them.
Taking care of yourself:
Being a therapist is a heavy career. We are trained to compartmentalize our own lives, keeping them separate from the difficulties faced by our clients, but at the end of the day, we’re human too. We share in the grief of the people we care for, especially our clients whose pain and suffering is expressed to us so bravely and openly. So if you’re a therapist reading this, know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now. Our jobs are about showing up for others, but we also have to show up for ourselves. It’s okay to cry after sessions. It’s okay to disconnect from the news if you need to. It’s okay to feel anxious before sessions with clients that you know will be difficult. We’re here to support you if you need it, so reach out if you’re feeling alone. If you are a therapist yourself, we have a page on our website dedicated to helping the helpers, where we outline specific ways you can take care of yourself while continuing to care for clients.
This post was contributed by Gabriella Giachin, LMSW. We are so grateful to our therapists for their vulnerability and care for our clients during these times, and always. If you’d like to continue this conversation, you can book time with Gabriella directly here, or one of our other wonderful therapists.
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