Lately, emotional intelligence has gotten a lot of hype in the professional world, but it remains a vastly underrated skill. The term is thrown around in business articles and human resource managers trying to make the right hire. Still, critical pieces of the conversation are skipped over, such as what it really is, why it matters, and what steps you can take to develop the skill. If you're ready to see how improving your emotional intelligence can improve areas of your life, you’re in the right place because below we're sharing the details with you.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is sometimes referred to as EQ or emotional quotient. Your emotional intelligence is your ability to identify and manage your own emotions and others' emotions. Psychology Today shares that emotional intelligence consists of being able to:

Identify and name your emotions
Harness your emotions and apply them when thinking and problem solving
Regulate your emotions
Help others regulate their emotions

Why does emotional intelligence matter?

Your emotional intelligence impacts your ability to interact with yourself and others daily, meaning it can affect every area of your life. In addition, it is connected with your ability to read the verbal and nonverbal clues others give you during conversations, meaning it can significantly impact your personal and work relationships.

As a human being with emotions, your ability to understand, process, and manage what you’re feeling and how it impacts your behavior is a predictor of your success. EQ is a desired skill in the workforce. Research found that "90 percent of the top performers were high in emotional intelligence, with a higher average income per year and an increase by one point of emotional intelligence contributing to as much as an extra $1,300 in annual salary."

Overall, a higher EQ can lead to a healthier relationship with yourself, better relationships with others, and increased production and possibly income at work. Those are strong reasons to be aware of how emotionally intelligent you are and what you can do to improve in this area.

How to improve emotional intelligence and self-awareness

Learning how to be more aware of your emotions and responses is critical to building your EQ skills. The following tips can help you get more in tune with your emotions and learn how to manage them.

1. Stop, look, and listen

You were probably taught the phrase "stop, look, and listen" as a child to help you learn to cross the street safely, and you can use that same lesson to start building emotional intelligence. The first step is to simply become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in different situations.

In addition, pay attention to how others respond and react to you. Emotionally intelligent women are aware of what's happening within them and how their behaviors impact others. Spend time observing yourself and others. Journal your observations and hold onto your notes for later.

2. Observe your health habits

Research has found a strong correlation between our physical and emotional health, including that "the mind and body interact instantaneously." That means when your physical health is suffering, it can immediately impact your emotional health and wellness. This is why it's important when building emotional intelligence not to ignore your health habits. Here are some of the habits to observe:

Sleep - Do you consistently get enough sleep? How is the quality of your sleep?
Diet - Are you eating well? Does your diet lead to sugar highs followed by crashes? Do you sometimes forget to eat and then binge mindlessly because you’re starving?
Exercise - Do you regularly exercise in a way that feels good to you?
Exposure - Are you watching, reading, or listening to news or information that stresses you out or calms you?
Meditation - Do you meditate during the day or take time for yourself?
Relationships - Do you have strong friendships and relationships?

All of these factors impact your ability to notice and control your emotions. Taking time to observe and document these health habits can help you see how they affect how you feel.

3. Take inventory of your work environment

If you have a full-time job, you spend the majority of your day working, which means your work environment can significantly impact your stress level and the way you feel. Analyze your answers to the following questions:

What is the workplace culture?
Do you feel agitated or calm when you are at work?
Do you have colleagues who support you or a highly competitive environment?
Are you excited to start work each day or do you have a bad case of the Sunday scaries?

4. Find the patterns

Now that you've gathered data from your life, it's time to start fleshing out the patterns that exist. Consider the following questions:

Are there consistent behaviors in others that set you off?
Do you tend to be more reactionary with certain people or in certain situations?
Are you aware of your emotions or do they catch you off guard?
Are there specific things that leave you feeling angry, sad, or worried?

Answering these questions helps you identify your triggers. Then, take time to consider where they originate. For example, you may have had a parent, coworker, or significant other in the past treat you a certain way that left you feeling powerless to respond, so now you're reliving those patterns in your present.

5. Choose a different perspective

Empathy is an important skill held by people with high EQs. Empathetic people take the time to see situations from another person's perspective. This allows them to relate to the other person on a human level despite differences. This fosters mutual understanding and respect.

The first step to showing empathy is learning how to recognize feelings and emotions in others. Placing yourself in their shoes or listening without judgment can go a long way in helping you see things from their perspective and gain greater awareness around their emotions. The ability to do this helps when you are working through obstacles in relationships or needing to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

6. Keep your ego in check

Part of developing emotional intelligence is learning to take in criticism without feeling your entire worth and value is being attacked; however, your ego can obstruct your path to improving in this area. Here are some red flags to watch for:

Scarcity mindset
Resistance
Judgment and criticism
Perfectionism
Fear
Being easily offended

If you recognize these warning signs in yourself, explore where it's coming from in your life. The more self-aware you are, the easier it becomes to make the changes you want.

It doesn’t have to feel natural

A harmful stereotype exists around emotions and emotional intelligence—that it comes naturally to women. Most people believe women are more emotionally intelligent than men because women tend (but don't always) to have an easier time showing emotion. There is no science to back this up. Instead, research has found that men and women are equal in the area of emotional intelligence.

This stereotype may have left you feeling like a failure if identifying and handling emotions doesn't come naturally to you, which it doesn't to all women. The good news is that it's a skill you can develop. Dr. Travis Bradberry found, "Emotional intelligence...is a flexible set of skills that can be acquired and improved with practice. Although some people are naturally more emotionally intelligent than others, you can develop high emotional intelligence even if you aren't born with it."

If you struggle with emotions but want to develop your emotional intelligence, our online therapists can help. We specialize in working with people all over New York state to help you live the life you dream of.

Follow the steps below to get started:

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We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.