Do you ever catch yourself planning for and expecting the worst while secretly hoping for the best?

Maybe you're up for a promotion but instead of getting excited about it and preparing for your conversation with the boss, you think something along the lines of "I'm not as qualified as Samantha, so she'll likely be the one that receives the promotion instead of me."

You think you're doing yourself a favor by protecting yourself from potential disappointment even though you're still hoping for the best.

We often think that if we can “plan for the worst and hope for the best,” we'll be both prepared for disappointment and pleasantly surprised by success. Unfortunately, what we fail to realize is how powerful our minds are. When we plan for the worst, we unconsciously create conditions for the worst to come true.

What is catastrophizing?

The strategy of assuming the worst will happen is called catastrophizing. The dictionary definition of catastrophize is "to view or talk about (an event or situation) as worse than it actually is, or as if it were a catastrophe.” It may seem like a harmless way to protect yourself from experiencing hurt or disappointment. In reality, it has a negative impact on your life.

For example, when we say “If I don’t get this job, I’ll be stuck in my current one that I hate, but hopefully I’ll get this job and be able to leave!” we don’t realize we walk into the interview with fear and desperation emanating from us.

We forget to set ourselves up for the best-case scenario by trying not to make the worst-case scenario come true.

Instead of being prepared and confident for the interview, we are anxious. We may hunch over, or have a stomachache, or have a distressed look on our face even if we think we’re smiling. We don’t remember to breathe, to pause to collect our thoughts before answering a question, or to build rapport with the interviewers.

Then, we walk out of the interview with the mantra “I hope I get it” running through our heads, while all the interviewers heard from us was “Save me from my current circumstances!!” Instead of embracing an opportunity for our future, we set ourselves up for failure while trying to protect ourselves from it.

Expecting the worst can lead you down the wrong road

If catastrophizing is your go-to coping mechanism for stressful situations, it's also possible you may be exaggerating the power of situations. Things feel worse and more dire than they are in reality.

In the job interview story above, catastrophizing may lead you to think if you don't get that job, you won't get any job you want and your financial future is screwed. In reality, if you don't get that job, there will be other opportunities. For the catastrophizing woman though, this possibility doesn't exist in her thinking.

In addition, studies have found this type of thinking can worsen fatigue. You may find you struggle to feel energized and think clearly throughout the day. Research has also found that you may experience increased pain compared to those who don't catastrophize. People with chronic pain tend to feel more severe pain than others. They are also more likely to think their pain will last forever.

Catastrophizing during the pandemic

Catastrophizing reached a new level during the Covid-19 crisis. Even if we were not actively panicked, our primitive brains knew there was a threat to our survival looming. Because of that, we cycled between fight, flight, and freeze responses. Our brains weren’t sure which response would keep us alive.

Many people found themselves sleeping more but feeling less rested. Our brains were staying alert while we were sleeping, stopping us from getting deep REM sleep, in case we needed to jump out of bed and flee or fight an enemy.

Others found they couldn’t muster the energy they needed during the day because they were stuck in the freeze response. You may have found yourself wide awake when you should have been sleeping. Your thoughts turning over rapidly and quickly veering into the “what-if?” worst-case scenario possibilities. Because you weren’t as well-rested, your brain wasn’t able to be as rational as usual. Your thinking was much more emotional and fear-based.

After over a year of this, our brain’s strategy of “planning for the worst and hoping for the best” is now just stuck at “planning for the worst,” full stop.

So how the f do we return to functioning?!

Catastrophizing is when your future “what-if” planning is stuck on the worst possible outcomes and can only conceptualize possibilities that give you an impending sense of doom.

For example, under normal circumstances, someone might catastrophize at work by saying, “My boss scheduled a 15-minute meeting with me. That’s never happened before. I obviously royally messed up the last assignment. I ruined everyone else’s ability to do their jobs, and I am costing the company money. I’ve bankrupted the company and I’m getting fired and possibly sued.”

How are you supposed to stop this type of thinking from occurring?

Strategy #1: Thought stopping

One strategy for stopping these spiraling thoughts is literally called “thought-stopping.” When you begin to say “My boss scheduled a 15-minute meeting with me. That’s never happened before. I obviously royally messed up the last assignment…” you either say to yourself in your mind (or aloud if you’re alone) “STOP!” loudly and forcefully.

If you aren’t alone or this doesn’t work for you, you can also tie a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you notice the thoughts start to spiral. Then you replace the thoughts with actual evidence.

In this example, you would say, “STOP! Maybe I did mess up on the last assignment, but that’s why I have a boss to give me feedback. I can correct it and know what to do next time. 15 minutes wouldn't be long enough to tell me that I ruined everything and am getting fired and sued. She didn’t even invite HR on the calendar. I haven’t seen anything in the news about our company, so I haven't bankrupted us, and I’m probably not that powerful anyway. What I know for sure is that I did everything I thought was right on the last assignment. I will bring my notes just in case. Otherwise, I will just have to wait to hear what she wants to talk about and not invent stories before I know more.”

Strategy #2: Choose a positive spin

Another strategy is to lean into the desire to catastrophize but to shift the “what-if” in a positive direction.

For example, “My boss scheduled a 15-minute meeting with me. That’s never happened before. What if I’m getting a raise? What if I’m getting a promotion? Or, what if I’m getting both? What will I need to be prepared for this conversation in that case? What if they want to send me to the city I’ve always wanted to live in?”

Not only does this not resist the urge to catastrophize, but it uses that frenetic energy you’re feeling to channel anxiety into anticipation. Now you begin to envision possibilities for your future that you hadn’t considered an hour ago. It also helps you realize that your brain is capable of coming up with infinite possibilities for your future. They don’t all have to be bad.

This often helps our brain remember that until we have more information, every what-if is just an exercise in stretching our imagination. We don't need to get caught up in the story until we have actual information and evidence to know which direction to turn next.

Sometimes we need support

If you are having trouble stopping the negative spiral on your own, there is no shame in reaching out for help. You may be used to putting a smile on your face so everything looks like it's going well from the outside while your thoughts are spinning out of control internally, but you don't have to do it alone.

We have a team of licensed therapists at the New York City Psychotherapy Collective ready to work alongside you as you work to stop your spiraling thoughts. Reach out to us today and we’ll match you with the perfect therapist for your individual needs!

Follow the steps below to get started:

• Click here to share some information about you so that we can match you with the perfect therapist for your needs.

• Have a low-pressure, 20-minute call with your therapist to make sure they are the right fit.

• Schedule your first session and start on your journey to feeling better right away.

We offer specialized services for related issues like Anxiety, Depression, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and Therapy Specifically for Young Adults. We can help you feel less overwhelmed, more relaxed, and more like the self you want to be.

Contact us here to get started today!